1 April 2015: Tony Abbott announced today that he has accepted the ‘very kind’ gift of a free Coal Seam Gas Well to be installed on the front lawn of Kirribilli House.
The offer from the ‘Concerned Oil, Diesel & Gas Executives Rejecting Solar” (CODGERS) to come and frack every last molecule of gas from beneath his official Sydney residence was confirmed by the PM at a press conference this morning:
“Yes – I can confirm that I have accepted this very kind offer from the CODGERS. I look forward to watching the fracking commence and coming home every night to that sweet, sweet smell of fugitive methane”
This comes just 2 weeks after Abbott rejected the offer of free solar panels + installation from a group of concerned Christians citing security concerns and cleaning costs (of $4 per panel per year).
When asked what he will do with all the fracked gas that the well will generate the PM responded:
“Great Question! It will be used to incinerate all the reams of paperwork lying around the place that aren’t needed any more. Like the RET & Carbon Tax legislation, the Kyoto Protocol and 80% of last year’s budget papers. I also want to get rid of the few remaining copies of the UN Convention on Human Rights that Scott Morrison couldn’t fit in the skip”.